from now on my penis is your penis
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize