I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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