he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize