sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
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I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
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He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
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