ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize