Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize