I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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