I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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