It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize