We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
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found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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