I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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