it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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