No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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