he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize