Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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