this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You are a genius and a whore.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize