bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize