Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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