WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
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if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
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SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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