was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
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He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
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Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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