My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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