I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
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She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
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You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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