I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
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i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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