i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
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I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
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Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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