There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
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I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
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Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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