My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
