Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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