Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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