My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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