Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
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all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
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Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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