They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize