don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
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You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
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You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize