Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Green mimosas i think yes
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
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