it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize