grandma shit on top of the toilet
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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