I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Even my vagina gasped.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize