I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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