I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
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going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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