And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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