His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
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oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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