so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone came in the potted fern
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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