I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
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just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
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You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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