im drinking this country out of the recession.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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