I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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