i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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