dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
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He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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