Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
sarcasm needs its own font
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize