I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
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