Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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