you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize