You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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